"here lies a man who lived life for all that it's worth"

so here it is. it's been two years and yet it feels as if it was just yesterday... or today for that matter. my heart still aches. i don't cry as frequently, though when i'm alone i do. i still think about him every day. i thought that might change, but something reminds me of him daily.

then the whole day runs through my head. memories of when i first heard the news, the instant pain that shot through my body... much like how i assume it feels if one is shot in the heart with a bullet. the sad days that followed, saying goodbye, reliving the story each time i had to repeat what happened. and i think about what he would be doing today, who he'd be as a person and all the events in our lives that he is not here to share with us.

yet i feel as if i've had a heart transplant of sorts. my heart was in so much pain, i felt as if i couldn't use it. this heart that was broken into millions of tiny pieces is being lovingly glued back together by none other but another dan. this is not to say that my fiancee dan is "taking the place of" my brother dan, for we know that cannot happen - no one can take my brother's place. but the love and support from my fiancee dan (i've got to come up with a better way to distinguish between the two...) has been incredibly healing for me. he has shown nothing but understanding and compassion where some might only feel frustrated or confused. my random outbursts into tears because something was said without thinking or a song (usually what it is) reminds me of time spent with dan, and he sits and holds me and cries with me.

seven-hundred and thirty days.... one hundred and four weeks.... two years.... to some it may feel like a lifetime, to some a drop in the ocean. it only takes a second for your life to change dramatically. my best advice is to do what (my brother) dan did... LIVE IT!

am i a game show?

so... talking to dan tonight while we were watching a movie. this old guy was playing chess by himself and i said, "that's my game!" (even tho i'm not very good at it)

and i realized that i'm going from a game (chess) to a tv show (brady)...

so, does that make me a game show?

:)

happy planning :)

i'm determined to keep up with this blog...

as for wedding plans, they're coming along. still doing some research on reception sites, but we did find a place we like. it is reasonably priced, too. also, we've decided that we're going more formal on everything, too. not super formal, but more than the casual jeans idea. i like it, but... we only do this once and i want it to be special. the guys are going to wear chocolate brown tuxes without the jackets with 'pool' vests and ties. dan will wear the same, but with a white vest and pool tie, and the girls can do knee-length "pool" dresses and i will... uh... wear a white gown. we're doing minimal flowers, too. the guys won't have boutineres (bc they won't have their jackets on, anyway) and i'm thinking, if i can find some, i'd like the girls to carry parasols (fancy umbrellas or 'umbies' as roro calls them) and i have a FANTASTIC idea for the centerpieces for the reception, too! i can't wait!

so much planning lately, and so many ideas floating around. it's been great. everything seems to be just falling into place. :) dan knows so many people and that's definitely been helping with the individual things (flowers, photography, etc) i have a david's bridal appt saturday and mom's coming with me! i can't wait for that, too! i'm so glad mom will be there to help. her opinion is important to me. i'm getting more excited and nervous each day. we have just over a year (i know it seems like a long time, but... i know it will fly by!)

:)
i'm so happy.

he completes me <3

hello!

so, i've been planning a wedding lately. i'm kinda stressed already (and i just started). i was reading my devotions this morning and it was talking about how God doesn't necessarily call those who are thoroughly equipped to do a task. that it's a matter of relying on Him to equip you and to guide you and not about YOU doing it yourself.

it got me thinking about how much (or little) i have relied on Him concerning this wedding. Dan and i have been doing devotions lately and we strive to keep God at the center of our relationship, but have we asked Him to be the center of our wedding too?

i felt as if i should be able to plan this whole thing - after all, both my sisters planned their weddings. i need to remember, though, that God has brought us together and He will continue to guide us and strengthen us as we grow together in Him. worry and stress do nothing to help. we will praise God in a thanksgiving service of our wedding, but we also need to glorify Him in this time of planning.

i praise and thank Him every day for Dan <3 i couldn't have imagined a man so perfect for me. you know that cheesy line from 'jerry mcguire' the whole 'you complete me' line? yeah... no matter how cheesy (as some of you have experienced) it's so true. (not that tom cruise completes me, because that's DEFINITELY not true!) but dan does. he was made just for me. like a glove, we fit together... or peanut butter and jelly (yum!)

even so, we've had some differences lately. mostly with some wedding details. and we know that will happen from time to time. but we're working it out. and most importantly - we're praying together. :)