"here lies a man who lived life for all that it's worth"

so here it is. it's been two years and yet it feels as if it was just yesterday... or today for that matter. my heart still aches. i don't cry as frequently, though when i'm alone i do. i still think about him every day. i thought that might change, but something reminds me of him daily.

then the whole day runs through my head. memories of when i first heard the news, the instant pain that shot through my body... much like how i assume it feels if one is shot in the heart with a bullet. the sad days that followed, saying goodbye, reliving the story each time i had to repeat what happened. and i think about what he would be doing today, who he'd be as a person and all the events in our lives that he is not here to share with us.

yet i feel as if i've had a heart transplant of sorts. my heart was in so much pain, i felt as if i couldn't use it. this heart that was broken into millions of tiny pieces is being lovingly glued back together by none other but another dan. this is not to say that my fiancee dan is "taking the place of" my brother dan, for we know that cannot happen - no one can take my brother's place. but the love and support from my fiancee dan (i've got to come up with a better way to distinguish between the two...) has been incredibly healing for me. he has shown nothing but understanding and compassion where some might only feel frustrated or confused. my random outbursts into tears because something was said without thinking or a song (usually what it is) reminds me of time spent with dan, and he sits and holds me and cries with me.

seven-hundred and thirty days.... one hundred and four weeks.... two years.... to some it may feel like a lifetime, to some a drop in the ocean. it only takes a second for your life to change dramatically. my best advice is to do what (my brother) dan did... LIVE IT!